Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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