you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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