Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
