So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
