I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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