I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
