Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
