remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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