Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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