i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
