this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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