I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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