I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
