Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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