Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
