I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
