are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
