hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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