he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
