I'm gonna have a badass scar
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
pop tarts are not kleenex
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
