My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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