dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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