Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
