ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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