you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
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Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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