like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
this boner is exhausting
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
