you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
