I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
