If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ugly people sure do ruin things
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
