He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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