had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
