i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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