I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
