why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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