Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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