he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
