I want to have your abortion
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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