so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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