New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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