I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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