i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
