things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
