Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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