She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
