So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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