big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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