If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
