i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
