Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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