I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
