so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
