i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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