YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
