A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i now understand why vodka
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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