Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What a fucking waste of an outfit
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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