we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
