I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
