you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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