I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
