Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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