WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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