How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
