HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
