Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
