I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
