i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize