Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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