We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my shit smells like andre
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
A bitchslap is in order.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
