im drinking this country out of the recession.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
