i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize