I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize